I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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