Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
