you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
