Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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