Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
