She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
