if only i could text you this smell
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
