you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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