i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
