By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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