The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
