Welp...herpes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I AM VODKA MAN
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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