Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
