My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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