So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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