turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
