You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
