Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You made out with two different species that night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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