I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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