My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
