if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
