how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
