Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
