paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
