My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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