I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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