their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
