Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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