I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
