I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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