I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
