she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
