Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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