im drinking this country out of the recession.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
