Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize