so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
