just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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