Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
