Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
