why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
