Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize