also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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