I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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