Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
