a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
