my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
