Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
