I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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