I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize