I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
