I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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