So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Threesome in a minivan. New low
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize