I hate your face
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
