No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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