I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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