So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
