I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
