just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
