someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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