Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
