we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
