I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize