worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just googled if crying burns calories
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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