dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
