hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
