I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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