we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
