There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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