like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
